Scary Patterns: Cosplay Edition

  While adding new patterns to the What's New section, I found this one in the latest batch.
I see a Saucy Musketeer, a Naughty Admiral, Racy Zorro, and I'm not sure what those last two are.
Robin Hood? A Gambler?
This is a little racier than the usual Simplicity. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

Scary Patterns: Lizard Overlords

New and powerful hallucinogenic drugs very briefly available in the 90s led to the creation of this pattern, which revealed the real appearances of our New Lizard Overlords, (also known as Hedge Fund Managers).
This indiscretion was quickly hushed up. but a rare few clues remain.

Scary Patterns:Pumpkinhead Edition

At first, Jennifer thought the B&B room was charming. "Oh! Look at the handmade dolls!", she said to her husband. But later, she woke up at 3 am with the distinct feeling that someone was watching her.

"What was that noise?" was her last conscious thought.

Actual scary pattern available here.Don't say we didn't warn you.

Scary Patterns: Poncho Edition

Hooded Double Poncho for two(!!!)
With picnic kit pattern included (of course, because who doesn't go on a romantic picnic in their cool, double poncho?)
This might be the scariest pattern yet; most men I know would disapparate immediately if faced with the prospect of wearing this in public.
However, it would make a great Halloween ensemble.
If that's totally your thing, find it here. 

Scary Patterns: Holly Hobbie

What's scarier than a child's Holly Hobbie Costume? An Adult Holly Hobbie Costume.Scare your friends and families here.

Scary Patterns: I thought I Saw...

Imagine the therapy bills incurred as your children get older if forced to wear the Sylvester Puddy_Tat Costume...or is it a costume?

For the Discriminating Dog

Dog Wedding Costumes and Pajamas...these fall into the "Now I've seen everything" category.
I showed these to Mr. Hunting Creek, He said, "Dogs are getting married now?"
Obviously, YES. And they need cute clothes.
(Cats continue to live in sin.)

Scary Patterns:Dog Version

Dog mommies, don't dress up your babies like this, It just embarrasses them and makes them sad
If you have no shame  find the pattern here.
Look, the little Bumblebee dog is begging you not to!

Scary Patterns: Creepy Clowns

What kind of twisted person did the artwork on this pattern envelope? That taller clown is the creepiest, most horrifying thing that ever haunted a Stephen King story.
View 1, lower right corner i plenty creepy as well. Is that lipstick on her mouth, or blood?  Best not to look too closely.
The brave or twisted soul who made this pattern back in the dark ages of the 1970s was so traumatized that She  quickly folded it up and crammed it back in the envelope. She never made it again, ( she had her reasons)and it languished until my sister found it lurking in an antique shop in North Carolina.
Are you brave enough to make this? Maybe you have a dark and twisted evil streak that enjoys scaring small children with clowns, so that they grow up and live in Maine and write multi-million selling horror stories.
If one or both options are true, find it here.You have been warned...

Out of the Box Thinking

Back in 1981, I was living in Maui, and I would have made a pattern like this one, but unlike the crazy creatives at McCalls, I would have worn shorts or a skirt with my top.
Of course, I am assuming that they meant this as a TOP and not a really super short dress, in which case I stand corrected.

Scary Patterns X: Stuffed Animal Abuse

This picture reminds me of movies where the hero is chained to the wall in some dark, damp, dismal dungeon. In this case, cute little animals are stuffed with plastic bags, chained to the wall, forced to dispense the bags out of...how to say this politely?...their nether regions...stuffed animal lovers, please avert your eyes.
For persons who find this dispenser just the thing they've been looking for their whole lives, the pattern is here.
I keep my plastic bags in a plain bag on the back of my kitchen door. No stuffed animals are abused by my recycling efforts.

Scary Patterns IX: Raisin or Potato?

What was Simplicity thinking? If you have always dreamed of dressing as a California Raisin or a Couch Potato, this is your pattern. But don't limit yourself to raisins or potatoes! Think outside the box of raisins, and imagine yourself and your loved ones as dancing cranberries, prunes or dried apricots! Or maybe sweet potatoes or turnips. The whole world of produce dressing is now available to you.

Scary Patterns VIII: Cruisin' For Foxes

A common refrain among sewists both male and female is that the pattern companies don't make any good men's patterns any more. Case in point: this groovylicious leisure suit from 1975, just begging to be made in that patchwork denim print polyester doubleknit for optimum fox-cruisin' capabilities.
To better impress the ladies, please add a Tom Selleck moustache and Mr. Brady perm.
If your Halloween plans involve dressing up as Magnum PI, find it here. Send us a picture for our wall of shame.

Scary Patterns VII

Sometimes the sheer creative inventiveness of America is astonishing:witness the quilted toilet seat cover, above. If this is totally your thing, find it here.
What will they think of next?
p.s. look closely at that quilted picture and take note of what it is! a little quilty joke! Mr. Hunting Creek shuddered. "You aren't thinking of making that!"
"Only Ironically, sweetie."

Fire-Breathing Sewing

We all have our weaknesses. There are certain descriptive words that draw me in and snag me: Italian silk, for example, or Japanese cotton, or Dragon Pattern. I have a weakness for small, realistic-looking (if you can use that word about a dragon) patterns for animals. Like all addictions, it starts when you're young. I remember making stuffed turtles, whales and dinosaurs for my baby brother (He is now in his 30's). I made them for my high school classmates. Even though my co-workers tease me about being pragmatic and practical, they don't know that my evil dark secret is that I like making teeny stuffed animals. I like to make them small and not too precious-looking (not that there's anything wrong with that). The quirkier the better.
I have two of these dragon patterns, if that's your weakness too. I know other people collect Issey Miyake patterns, or doll patterns, or YSL. I'd love to pretend to be to be so chic, but that would be a lie. It's little wild animals for me. What's your pattern weakness?

Scary Patterns VI: The Faceless Ones

Whatever you do, don't make these faceless dolls and sneak them into my sewing room, because we all know what would happen next.

Scary Patterns V: Creepy Geese Version

The First Rule in the Alien Expeditionary Force Handbook is: We don't talk about the Alien Invasion. Instead, it instructs, dress to blend in with the Earthlings. However, as with all advice translated into a second language, they missed a few finer details. For example, Non-Alien Invader Geese do not dress in hats, bow ties and raincoats. The one in the Yellow Raincoat thinks he is blending in with just plain folks, but we all KNOW he is one of THEM.

Scary Patterns IV Blue Jean Holiday

Even though one would never see reindeer, penguins and turkeys together in the wild, here they are in blue jeans for your strangely twisted holiday decorating enjoyment. (it's Artistic License, my professor would say. Stop being so Literal!) What possible holiday it might be that allows for reindeer plus penguins plus turkeys in jeans on hay bales, I'm not sure.
But if that's totally your thing, it's here.
This is not as creepy as those vacuum cleaner covers, but it's close.

Scary Patterns II

Any cat I have ever known would just as soon take a cold shower with a dog than wear a silly costume. What did McCall's do to get these cats to wear these costumes?
Feed them a whole can of sardines? (Laced with Valium?)


My sister's cat Matilda, famous for stalking and killing giant lizards, snakes, gophers, and even a hummingbird (!!!) scoffs at cat costumes.
If your cat loves costumes, find it here.

Nightmares

This is even scarier than the Pig Dolls posted previously.
Can you imagine having one of these dressed up trolls? as a bunny? As Santa?
If having one of these insidious monsters is your fondest dream, find it here. Please don't post pictures. I can already see them when I close my eyes.