Black Tie, Optional - BANNED

Black Tie, Optional

Attention: Wedding Planners
RE: Black Tie, Optional

Dear Sir or Madam,

The category “Black Tie, Optional” is not a valid dress code for weddings, engagement parties and anniversaries. It has been BANNED by the FIT, Nobel Committee and the Cotillion Society of America.

For all events, the following Dress Codes should be used:

Formal: White Tie
White tie or evening dress, is the Big Deal Dress Code. You are going to an Inauguration, or have won the Nobel Prize. (Your Mother is So Proud) According to Wikipedia (and who would argue with Wikipedia?)"The chief components for men are the dress coat, white bow tie and waistcoat, and starched shirt, while women wear a suitable dress for the occasion, such as a ball gown."

Semi-Formal: Black Tie
The Semi-Formal code has two components: Day or evening. For day wear, men should wear a black tail-less coat with formal trousers (Think JFK at his inauguration - and he also wore a Top Hat, because it was outside) After 6pm, the men wear black tie (commonly called a Tuxedo).Ladies would wear a short dress or cocktail dress.
A long dress is evening wear, and formal (White Tie, see above).

And then there is Casual. There are all kinds of casual, which is where a great many people get in trouble. My daughter called yesterday asking for advice. "What do you wear to a wedding that says the dress code is Black Tie, Optional?"
"There's No Such Thing," I told her, firmly. "It's either Black Tie, Semi-Formal, or it is Not!"
"I think they really mean Casual, but they also want to imply, no jeans."
"If they say Black Tie, optional, their guests could wear anything" I countered. Because there is no such thing." We decided that people who put that on invitations should be given difficult in-laws as their punishment. No wait, two sets of difficult in-laws.

Casual is situational. It can be kind of dressy but not, like Business Casual, or Playboy Mansion Casual, nighties and jammies encouraged, or couples Caribbean Resort Med Casual, which is clothing optional - the most casual of all. This is why we have Dress Codes. Imagine your horror if you go to an event in your nightie (because you thought it was Pajama Optional Dress Code)and everyone else is in Evening Gowns. Remember Bridget Jones in her Playboy Bunny costume at the party and you'll get the idea. Be kind to your guests. Say Formal, Semi-Formal, or Casual. They will thank you. Really.

Formal Jeans

Do you iron your jeans? Are the words "formal jeans" an oxymoron? Mr. Hunting Creek asked me yesterday if I ever ironed my jeans. "Jeans are work clothes, real work clothes. It may be against Rebel Law to iron them. Never!"
"Spoken like a true Berkeley Girl" , he said. "What do you think of jeans worn to movie openings and other fancy events?"
"I would wear jeans to the movies, but on the other hand, I didn't star in that movie, so there are different expectations for my dress, versus what the star should wear. I think Movie Stars should dress up."
"You may be the last person on earth to think so."
Who still pays attention to movie openings, anyway? Sometimes I wonder what all the fuss is about. Still, to me that's a professional obligation on the part of the actors, so they should dress accordingly. (Am I turning into my mother in law? That's just what she would have said!)
When we were in college we wore our jeans constantly, until they could stand up by themselves. (Mainly because we had to pay to do laundry, so we'd space laundry use out accordingly.) I prefer dark wash, and I like to fade mine naturally. I won't buy prefaded or already worn out jeans. That's cheating.
What do you think? Are jeans acceptable formal wear? Do you iron your jeans?

Great Moments in Fabric Literature, Vol XIX

The people, that Christmas Party night, were indeed nice. We wore our formals: skirts not less than eight nor more than fifteen inches from the floor, dresses of light but not bright colors and of materials semi-transparent or opaque, necklines not more than three inches below the collar bone and sleeves long or elbow length. We all passed the requirements of the catalog, but with such delectable additions as long chiffon scarves twined around our necks in the best Nita-Naldi-brochitic manner, or great artificial flowers pinned with holiday abandon on our left shoulders. Two or three of the Seniors had fox furs slung nonchalantly about them, with the puffy tails dangling down over their firmly flattened young breasts in a most fashionable way.

The Gastronomical Me; M.F.K. Fisher, 1943

If you want to visit a Lost World, read about life in the 1920's and thirties in M.F.K. Fisher's semi-autobiographical book. I say "semi" because Mary Frances was never one to let the truth stand in the way of a good story. As my family would say, if it isn't true, it should be!
This was a time when people Dressed for Dinner, and there were very specific rules for exactly what one should wear. It is so different from our New Casual Society as to require translation, almost.
If you haven't read any M.F.K. Fisher, you are missing out on some of the most graceful writing of the twentieth century. It's a misconception that she writes about food; that's just the subtext. She is really writing about hunger in all of its manifestations, and that's a much larger subject.

Great Moments in Fabric Literature, Vol XVII, Fairy Edition

Everyone was dressed in the very height of fashion. The ladies wore gowns of the most exquisite colours (though to own the truth, very few of them were colours that Stephen could remember having seen before.) The gentlemen wore knee breeches and white stockings and coats of brown, green, blue, and black, their linen was a sparkling shining white and their kid gloves had not as much as a stain or mark upon them.
But in spite of the fine clothes and gaiety of the guests, there were signs that the house was not so prosperous as it once had been. The room was dimly lit by an insufficient number of tallow candles, and there was just one viol and one fife to provide the music.
"That must be the music that Geoffrey and Alfred spoke of," thought Stephen. "How odd that I could not have heard it before! It is every bit as melancholy as they said."
He made his way to a narrow unglazed window and looked out upon a dark, tangled wood under starlight. "And this must be the wood which Robert talks about. How malevolent it looks! And there is a bell, I wonder?"
"Oh, yes!" said a lady who was standing close by. She wore a gown the colour of storms, shadows and rain and a necklace of broken promises and regrets.


Jonathan Strange and Mr Norell
page 151-152, 2004, Susanna Clarke,

Cinderella Syndrome

I love reading Burda World of Fashion, and I especially love the formal wear. I have just realized that this is some kind of mental illness. I want a velvet and silk formal dress. I don't know why. I work at home. I do not lead a Gala Formalwear life. When I was down in the fabric/sewing cave this weekend with my daughter, we counted dark teal charmeuse, silver shantung, green velvet, iridescent green/turquoise velvet, red velvet, wine velveteen, forest velveteen... I could go on. For a person who works at home and wears nice t shirts and jeans every day I have an awful lot of velvet. Every year I read the Threads issue on how to sew a velvet dress with interest. I made a velvet and silk wrap for my sister and my daughter. I made velvet stockings for gifts. Everyone loved them. I know how to sew velvet: lots of basting. But I have not made one single velvet thing for myself. I want to. I have the fabric. I have the patterns. A fellow blogger called this "an irrational lust for impractical clothing". I think I will call it the Cinderella Syndrome. When I read her words I recognized myself. "I have that too!", I thought. I wonder if our irrational brain, the one that engages in magical thinking, is reasoning "If we have a formal dress, will we then start to lead that kind of formal dress kind of life? With Glass Slippers, Princes, champagne out of the aforementioned slippers, coaches, fairy godmothers?" This is the same kind of magical thinking that reasons that broken cookies have no calories, that the cute guy "forgot" our phone number, and that trickle down economics works, in spite of all rational evidence to the contrary.
If you saw my fabric stash, you'd think that I was anticipating leading a glamorous life that required many changes of velvet and silk outfits, with some beautiful jewel toned wool coating thrown in for practicality. I think my fabric could lead a more glamorous life than I do, if it were set free to find its soul mate.( This imaginary woman has unlimited time to sew and fancies chic DVF style wrap dresses for day, and velvet ballgowns for evening.) It's all potential down there. If I sew the dress, will the invitations pour in? There's only one way to find out.