Wednesday, December 4, 2013

Holiday Gift Guide For Grinches

Grinch Gifts: These are gifts that are clearly in the "Oh, you shouldn't have!" or Please Don't category.

For example, Scott Walker's suggestion that instead of giving gifts to your children for the Holidays, you donate to his campaign instead.  Unless children have changed considerably in the last few years, I'd be willing to bet that not very many children would like getting tax deductible receipts instead of an actual gift in their stockings. Imagine their sad little faces! I know I never liked getting an envelope that instead of cash, was filled with a note saying that they had donated to fill in the blank charity in my name. If you like throwing money around, just give the young person the cash and let them decide if they want to donate it. Or Grinchily donate to a cause that they hate and tell them about it. Mission Accomplished!

How about these Santa Stones?

I cannot improve on this description:
Lead-free pewter pocket stone hand-stamped with "Santa was here" is the perfect addition to your cookie plate on Christmas morning! 
Drop this in a stocking, place it on the tree skirt...sneak it next to the fireplace or front door.
This makes a great keepsake to pass on and adds to the children's excitement!
The stone is Santa's little signature ...a special treat for even
Your stone will come in a red draw string organza bag nestled in shredded ivory paper with a chocolate treat.
Hand crafted here is Washington state! :) 

I was unaware that Santa dropping signed stones about the land was an actual thing.  If true, this shows that Santa is kind of a jerk, yes?

Also in the Grinch Gift Category:
Improvement Gifts. I had a boss who would give self-help books as gifts. I'd open the lovely package and be faced with The Race to Excellence, or the 37 Habits of Outstanding Managers, or Change Your Work To WIN, You Cannot Love Your Work Too Much!  (an early version of Lean In, perhaps?) Worst of all, he would inscribe them. Don't be that person (unless you are a Grinch, in that case, carry on!)
My mother in law gave Mr Hunting Creek a Calligraphy Set, because he is a lefty, and on the actual card wrote that he could use it to "improve his handwriting". He did not appreciate this.
People generally don't appreciate gifts that make them feel imperfect. Best to refrain from the gym membership, Jenny Craig Gift card or or other passive aggressive gestures unless your intent is to spread ill will, as Grinches do.
I'm sure you can think of many Grinch appropriate Gift Opportunities if you put your mind to it. How about a box of chocolates for a diabetic person , or a Don't Blame ME, I voted for Romney T shirt  for a Ron Paul supporter?  
Or, if all else fails, steal all of their gifts, including the roast beast. 


Kris C. said...

I love when relatives give me chocolate for Christmas. I do not eat chocolate - EVER. It makes me vomit. I've been this way my whole life, so when relatives give me chocolate, it's like saying, "I have no idea who you are besides a female, and all women like chocolate."

Mae said...

Domestic appliances for women! Arrrrrgh! One year my husband gave me a waffle cooker for Christmas. I said "Wow, fabulous, I love waffles and now you can make them for me". On principle, I have never made waffles in it, I only request them.