Thursday, September 6, 2012

Career Counseling

  Sometimes my job is super tedious like 90% of the time. Like the airline pilot joke says, it’s hours of boredom interspersed with moments of sheer terror. During those hours of boredom I try to imagine what my Perfect Job would be.  The job that uses my considerable natural talents and pays Big Bucks so that I can have plenty of free time,  Greek Yogurt and fancy Cat Food for the kittens. Plus extra left over from that to use to buy patterns that I might never make but need, just in case.

And Extra Money, which is a concept I explain to my children is like Unicorns or the wendigo.

Remember when your High School Career Counselor told you to list your favorite hobbies and classes and they handed out this sheet where you filled in the little bubbles with a number two pencil and then got back a printout that told you that you were divinely chosen to be a dental hygienist or a plumber or a nurse?
Mine said (not making this up, I even saved the paper somewhere) that I was best suited for Military Intelligence. OK... now that you’ve had a good laugh and are making that lame old joke about how that’s an oxymoron, just think about this. What if my high school counselor was right?
I ponder this while waiting for software upgrades to upload.
Do you suppose the Intelligence Community looking for these skills?

1. Baking bread – I guess I could hide secret messages in it. Or feed other, hungry spies.
2. Fixing failed mayonnaise – this skill came in handy just yesterday, when my daughter called saying that her mayonnaise was a giant puddle of eggy oil and I gave her the magic solution and it totally worked and mayo’d but then she had the horrible problem of two cups of fresh mayonnaise to use up after eating her BLT, which I also deftly solved with an awesome Mayonnaise Chocolate Cake recipe, baby, which uses 2/3 cup of mayonnaise. Plus also Crab Cakes, Chicken salad in Heirloom tomatoes and Garlic Cheese Bread. Leave it to a child of the seventies to know her way out of a mayonnaise glut.
3. Sewing: I could make awesome disguises. I once made my son a Darth Maul costume so awesome that he won our neighborhood Halloween contest. Plus, Star Wars! Knowing the star Wars canon has to be good for spying. “These aren’t the droids you’re looking for.” I could totally say that with a straight face.
4. Painting. See disguises, above.
5. Trivia.  A person who reads all the time necessarily knows lots of previously useless information
6. Never been beaten at Chinese checkers. An unbroken streak lasting 30 plus years.
7. being able to fold those elastic bottom sheets has to be good for something.
8. Never forgetting passwords
9. Know every bridge on the George Washington parkway, thus enabling me to leave bundles of spy stuff hidden where no one but us spies will find it.
10. Tracing Burda Patterns. Anyone who has done this knows that no Cold War expert could do better at solving these Undecipherable Puzzles

Mr. Hunting Creek offers that I am really good at predicting how mysteries will end, either in book or movie form, and also remembering the plots of old movies.
Do you sit and Fantasize about other, more Glamorous lines of work? What’s your Fantasy Job?


KC said...

LOL! I recall one of those tests long ago saying I should be a Naval Officer. Do you suppose they get funding from the government to direct the best and brightest (which, no doubt, we both were/are) into military careers?

And I have a new mayonnaise story so where better to tell it? Yesterday at a cafe around the corner here in Los Angeles my lunch companion ordered a sandwich "with no mayonnaise." Ten minutes later the waitress came back to our table to ask what mayonnaise was.

Beangirl said...

After I took that test my councellor called me in. Rather uncomfortably, I thought. He told me I had an aptitude for... wait for it... "everything". Yep. Every single solitary job description had a "aptitude: high" check mark.

Wow. That was SUPER helpful.

Sorry, I've just gotten distracted by reading KC's comment about the waitress. Oh dear. I just scared the cat laughing out loud.

Aha! Clearly my Glamour Job should have been "Cat Scarer". My aptitude is "high".

The Slapdash Sewist said...

It is funny that you mention Dental Hygienist but that is what the aptitude test I had to take in college(!) told me. I went to a teeny school and I think they couldn't afford the college-level aptitude test, because none of the jobs recommended to me or any of my friends required a college degree. Other notables were "ferry boat captain" and "paper restorer."

I sometimes fantasize about a glamour job--but then I can't figure out what it would be! I think "talk show guest" is not a real career, though I would enjoy it. So I just keep being a lawyer. Not always exciting, but there are occasional moments of sheer terror.